Sex: a woman's perspective

"What lips my lips have kissed, and where, and why, / I have forgotten, and what arms have lain / under my head till morning; but the rain / is full of ghosts tonight, that tap and sigh / upon the glass and listen for reply; / and in my heart there stirs a quiet pain / for unremembered lads ... "

Edna St. Vincent Millay wrote those words back in the early 1900s. Never have such words rang so true for me nearly a century later. 

Millay was a poet who "rejected societal roles considered acceptable for women." It was her ability to reveal insight into the human predicament that earned her the reputation of a sexually liberated woman following her own moral code. The human predicaments of love, lust, life and loss that she so often wrote about still exists today. 

I was in a predicament myself actually when I recently decided to break free of my chaste dry spell for one night of lustful bliss. However, over the past couple of years, I seem to have established my own personal moral code, much like Millay, when it comes to my promiscuous conquests. (And yes, I'd like to think of them as conquests for once upon a time, I was easily wooed by any man who even wanted me in the first place).

So I have this rule (more like guideline) that I only sleep with a man once or twice. The first time is always a test drive, or preview. Sometimes, all a girl really wants is little taste of heaven. But the second time around is always the review. The review determines if there will ever be more times. The intensity of the chemistry plays a huge role in the review.  The way I see it, if it's pure, instinctual carnal urge that entices a person, then you'll get your fix and go. But I've theorized that only something beyond that carnal urge would keep a person from fleeing the scene after getting their fix.

Like most men I've come across, I tend to have a problem fleeing the scene, never to look back (unless I'm following the repeate-delete theory). Of course, I didn't realize this tendency of mine until I got called out on it once. It was kind of funny.

I realized that I hate the idea of waking up next to a man that's not a significant other. It's so awkward. So I just save us both face and discreetly take my walk of shame before he even wakes up. But in my most recent predicament, I was unable to abide by my leave-before-he-wakes-up code. I was stranded and cashless for a taxi. Bad move, Payne. Desperately, I started texting all my friends. I needed to get out of there, pronto. I thought about walking to my car, but so far in heels? No way!

Apparently, everyone is still asleep at 10 a.m. on a Saturday morning. You can't blame a girl for trying to plan her escape. I was relieved when the man of honor finally woke up, and I politely insisted that he take me to my car despite his initial reluctance. I had shit to do and I wasn't about to just sit around with some guy I could give a rats ass about. Besides, why make this morning more awkward than it already is, right?

Men hit-it-and-quit-it all the time. A woman should be able to do the same without being labeled as an easy slut or losing her dignity. Sometimes, a woman just wants to get hers the same way a man wants to get his.